Paradoxical Giving

Recently I have been going through a bit of an emotional shift. Much like when the tectonic plates shift beneath our feet, it is incredibly unsettling when these shifts occur. Suddenly our feet move out from under us and when we stand back up nothing is quite like it was.

I have been walking a healing path for the past few years - healing from emotional abuse and living in close quarters with narcissists. Although I know I have a long way yet to go, I was feeling pretty good about it all, then . . . SHIFT.

I started to realize that my strength was coming from a place of rigidity and hardness. The Ice Queen had come in and set up shop. I felt strong, as though I was protected because I was committed and passionate and I wasn't going to let anyone treat me like that again. All of these things are good and crucial parts of healing, but it can quickly go to an unhelpful and even toxic place.

Suddenly you aren't letting people get close to you. You are raking people over the coals for the smallest mistake. Arguments become a chance for you to show that you aren't going to take anyone's shit. You become self-righteous and, suddenly without even realizing it, you are the one casting judgments.

I have recently come to this place myself. I fear judgement, yet I judge others for not being open-minded enough or well-read enough. I crave closeness, yet I push others away because of my boundaries. I want to be understood, but I don't allow others to understand me and I don't try to understand them.

It was sobering to realize this pattern had taken root in my life but now that I have, what do I do next?

It is both difficult and simple: open. Soften. Breath Deeply. Open the Gates. Let others in.

If you wish to be understood, you must try to understand. If you wish to be close, you must be willing to get close. If you want to live a life with less judgement, you must judge less. You must look at your life and give what you desire to the areas that need it. Give love to relationships which have become stagnant. Give understanding to those who refuse to understand you. Don't judge those who judge you. Give intimacy to those you wish to be close to.

It takes time but it will be worth in.

Give it to get it.

XOXOXO